Former Exodus Leader Melbourne
As a mature adult and mother of four my Christian
experience was very important to me. Not only did I attend Sunday
services, I taught Sunday school; lead the Wednesday evening Bible study
series and also went to Tuesday prayer meetings. Somehow keeping busy
and trying to please my husband kept me from coming to terms with other
evolving emotions that I hadn’t time to explore or understand.
Eventually, however, I could no longer hide from them.
When it became obvious to me that my ‘natural desire’ was not for my
husband but was for a woman, I felt trapped and hopeless. I sought out
any information that I could find that might be helpful. I came across
an x-gay ministry called ‘Exodus’. I joined Exodus as a Christian
wanting to change her sexual orientation. I enjoyed meeting others who
were battling with the same demons as myself… somehow I didn’t feel
quite so alone.
After about 12 months I was nominated as leader of this small group of
about 15 individuals. We met weekly for prayer, discussion and support. I
traveled overseas to America to interview Elizabeth Moberley; a scholar
and academic who suggested that legitimate same sex affection would
provide a passage out of homosexuality. Over the next 3 years, I
continued to teach, study and practice ‘legitimate, non-sexual same sex
affection’. However, it soon became clear to me that my homosexual drive
was not decreasing and I was not getting any closer to becoming
After 4 years I decided that the truth for me was that I stop hiding and
accept my homosexual self. Having assistant pastor status with my
church I knew I had to tell them my decision. They felt that I could no
longer continue in ministry and I was asked to step down.
Today, more than 15 years, after I stepped down from leadership of the Ex-Gay ministry ‘Exodus’ I have come to know that nearly every member of
that group is now living their lives openly as a homosexual person (20
people). I am only aware of one member who married and who would say
that they are pleased not to be gay but to be living in a heterosexual
relationship. They have been married for 5 years. It is also my
understanding that they have not disclosed their former struggles with
Although I valued the support and friendship of the Exodus members (many
are among my closest friends today) I suffered torment and huge anxiety
all muddied by confusion and constant failure during the ‘Exodus’
years. For me the most traumatic outcome was my personal sense of
failure as a Christian and not being accepted as a part of the church
family I loved.
Last Saturday (April 14. 2007) my long time partner and I were married
at Colchester Registry Office in the UK. This wedding celebrated who we
are and our love and commitment for each other. For the first time in my
adult life I felt valued for being me and thrilled to at last find a
legitimate ‘home’ amongst my family and friends for my partner and
I believe that my Heavenly Father is also pleased and relieved on our
behalf. It is my sincere belief that Scripture points out that God is
Love and God is Truth. The Truth shall set you free it says. Being true
to my sexual orientation is freeing and I no longer struggle with
anxiety, depression, confusion and sexual dysphoria!
When one is at home with one’s sexual self and this causes no-one any harm and is considerate and respectful, this is love.
Read statements of others who worked with people with ' unwanted same sex attraction ' here
Labels: apology, exodus, former ex-gay leader, LGBT apology, unwanted same sex attraction